As it was lived..

2010-08-09T22:51:00.001+08:00

"Infatuation is instant desire - one set of glands calling to another. Love is friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows, one day at a time. Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and pieces about your beloved that you would just as soon not examine to closely. It might spoil the dream.
and hence, the choice of not thinking ... not wanting to know ... not wanting to provoke...
Love is the quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you - to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by his presence, even when he is away. Miles do not separate you. You have so many wonderful little films in your head that you keep replaying. But near or far, you know he is yours and you can wait.
untrue, but true. miles do nothing ... but miles do obstruct the mind.
Infatuation says, "We must get married right away. I can't risk losing him." Love says, "Be patient. Don't panic. Plan your future with confidence." Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. Whenever you are together you hope it will end in intimacy. Love is not based on sex. It is the maturation of friendship that makes sex so much sweeter. You must be friends before you can be lovers.

Infatuation lacks confidence. When he's away, you wonder if he is cheating. Sometimes you check. Love means trust. You are calm, secure and unthreatened. He feels your trust, and it makes him even more trustworthy. Infatuation might lead you to do things you will regret, but love never steers you in the wrong direction. Love is elevating. It lifts you up. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. It makes you a better person than you were before."

http://www.artofloving.com/relationships/5loveinfatuation.htm

2010-05-11T22:14:00.004+08:00

and when faith is lost, it will never come back.
the future, is the main direction of end.

2010-05-10T20:53:00.002+08:00

Time goes on, life does not.
And really, no-one needs those reminders.

Where the mind wanders, the heart explores.
Every night the mind says, it's all a dream, when you wake it'll all be back to normal.
And every bit of the heart wishes so.
And every night the mind wanders away to another land ... to the land where everything IS alright. Yet somewhere deep inside you know it's no longer that way. Why the fear? The fear of going through it twice? the fear of knowing that when you wake, it's all gone? Probably...
And when the sun rises again ... all is over.

Some things don't vanish from the mind. Some things don't go away. Some things, we choose to deny. Forever.
But how does it matter. How does it matter anymore.

2009-12-22T20:21:00.001+08:00

why must i time and time again be forced to face everything i do not want to face
why must all keep reminding me ...
why can't anyone leave me the little bit of sanity i wish to maintain?

when half the world is out to play
i sit alone in that little cave
A-wondering, a-wondering
why life it has to work that way

i question again. and again.

go away.

but if that's not an alternative - why can't all end now.
stab me kill me shoot me. anything that ends it all.

2008-06-16T20:03:00.002+08:00

some people are simply ungrateful
disgust distaste dislike.

hate hate hate hate hate.
wth.

2008-05-18T13:31:00.002+08:00

too many things to discover - yet all negative.

all things would come to an end.
all hatred would be protracted.

think before.

2007-04-17T23:32:00.000+08:00

shoo off before i step on you and squish you to pieces.
because nothing - nothing.
NOTHING.
nothing worthy.
hey world it's time to GO AWAY!
shout crash throw slash.
limited.
limited in this little shell of assumed happiness and strength
yet not knowing what this little shell holds deep inside.

hatred. and maybe that is the only friend.

forlorn

2007-04-03T22:18:00.000+08:00

beginning to believe that nothing is real.
and nothing will ever be.
and no-one can truly understand.
why do we keep thinking the impossible?
and when we are tired..where do we turn to?
stop. go away.

hatred

2007-03-03T20:03:00.000+08:00

and i will hate more..never less.
cuz the world is a freaking darn warphole that takes away all the happiness one could ever have.
and when there is nothing worth left...

2007-03-02T18:07:00.001+08:00

the whole world can jump into hell for all i care.
wtf.
cuz nothing is worth it.

questions

2007-02-25T00:19:00.000+08:00

so many questions, so little answers.
and finally no one can help.
this little voice screaming. the little hand suppressing it all.
a tiny surge of anger, frustration and distrust.
ENOUGH. go away.
no-one.
and the questions remain unanswered.

CNY

2007-02-18T04:49:00.000+08:00

happy CNY 2007!
and i actually didn't lose in chinese checkers..haha.

it's almost coming to 5am...so i guess it's time to sleep..otherwise i'll lose track of time again..

testing

2007-02-15T18:05:00.001+08:00

testing testing! are u working?
not used to the new blogger at all =S

thinking

2007-01-14T00:13:00.000+08:00

as the rain comes again...
how many fronts does a person have.
how long more before the end.
what has happened all along?
have we..or have we not stopped to think about what's around us?

regrets. yet too late.
what can be done now?

2007-01-06T21:14:00.000+08:00

SHUT UP GO AWAY LEAVE ME ALONE.
SOLITUDE...
ISOLATIONISM.
Keeping all unsaid leaves one quietly thinking...

confusions

2006-12-02T02:44:00.000+08:00

confusions.
why do we believe in what we believe? why not the rest?
thinking too much?
where did my holidays go?
3am and doing work. wth.

void of emotions

2006-11-29T00:38:00.000+08:00

void of emotions. a sudden emptiness. lost.
tired. disgusted. disillusioned.
nothing is real. all is a lie.
all except the evil.
life is a ____ bitch.

life

2006-11-19T19:03:00.000+08:00

underserving. you don't deserve because you don't appreciate.
how can we ask everything from everyone yet not give anything to anyone in return.
disgust.

stop.

pre-xmas shopping

2006-11-06T21:25:00.000+08:00

saw a really cute lego set. designer set. but...so ex. stupidddd. no little figures included. so..sad.
the rest were with a theme. like some kinda fighting ones...or building monsters/machines..not my type. hmm.
anyway i'm so old already. buy now? that's kinda silly. ok not that you can't play it at 40 years of age..but, WHY? use the money for more constructive means! hmm. maybe i can use the old set and build something really cool.
after A's maybe i will tell the world that i've been attempting architecture courses..hey i DID!

ah nvm. leave me alone. shut up. go away. shoo off.
hatred. disgust. ugh.

GTH

2006-11-04T19:39:00.000+08:00

gth gth gth gth gth gth gth gth gth gth
wth wth wth wth wth wth wth wth wth wth
GO AWAY. leave me alone.
shut up go away leave me alone.
stop it. tired..don't try. regret?
mask. pretence. feigned. facade.
shut up. bottle. shut up. bottle. tighten the little cap. boom.
HELL OFF WORLD.

there is and was no1. and there probably will never be.

meal!

2006-10-31T22:01:00.000+08:00

I cooked some kinda lunch for mom today.
Unfortunately I forgot to take pictures of it.
Also, it probably didn't taste good enough.
Bleah.
Kinda bleah bleah bleah.
Ok nvm. Ignore me man. haha.
Get used to it. It's a weirddddd little thing in the head smashing against the walls.

piece of shit

2006-10-18T00:30:00.000+08:00

Life is a Piece of Shit Theory.
Bullshit bullshit bullshit...go away go away go away.
Leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone.
What is the mind thinking? Think? Oh no brain how to think right.
Lousy. Even the little bit of hay in the head doesn't keep the cells warm. Pathetic.
Kickass. Shoo off. Schizophrenic. Why the many personalities and different attitudes? Moodswing or insane?
Whatever. Stop talking to yourself. Stop thinking to yourself. BLEAHHHHH.
Say hello to the life is a piece of shit theory

relativity

2006-10-08T00:51:00.000+08:00

Theory of Relativity.
How much is there that we can trust in people. Hell off.
Is there a single person you treat, without the intentions of making use of the person?
If you say yes, think again. That's a screwed lie.
Principle of Mutuality.
We seek support in others; how much support have we given to the listener?
Probably none, though we justify we do.
Don't we always lie to ourselves? Don't we always think of ourselves before others?
Lying in the dark thinking hard. Maybe all are evil. Who said I'm not?
Human nature is a bitch. And it ought to eat itself up. Or maybe it already did.
Who gives a f*** about life around others?
When life was all a bed of roses and all we had to care for was ourselves. dying inside but not saying a word? have we done a lot? What does it mean to be "me"?
Go away. don't need people. need ourselves.
Maybe if the world was full of duplicates of ourselves, life would be a merry place.
f*** off world.

no more

2006-09-06T15:28:00.000+08:00

I believe no more in life. in trust. in faith. in people. in miracles. in love. in hopes. in equality. in justice. in fairness. in effort. no more.

a pack of lies that trap the mind

Reflections

2006-09-04T23:52:00.000+08:00

Probably so used to bottling things up.
seeking solace in solitude. cool nights of fear.
who comprehended. agony confusion helplessness misery desperation anxiety fear wishful lost weak anger prayers guilt forlorn tired nightmares
self-centred brutes whose lives revolved around themselves.
did we really know, did we really learn, until we were grasping desperately.
the awakening. learning the hard way.
no longer wish to tell. no longer wish to spill the feelings so far down.
it had been so long. so long.
what mattered.
did you really think you know me..
which side had you seen that made you think that was it.

Back

2006-06-08T12:55:00.000+08:00

Back..from good life. Back to reality. Back to studying. Sad life..

Was at the train station some time ago when I noticed how dull it was. Sigh.
I wish there were more things to look out from the bus window.. :(

Walking back to school and the familiar roads..I wish things were more interesting. Maybe all of us are forever waiting for something interesting to happen..Something good and interesting. Well..go on dreaming =P
I woke up this morning to the sound of thunder..thinking it was gonna snow. BAH. Go dream. FOOL.

Now don't you wish you could smother me instead..I just reminded you how boring life is =) Cheers!
Welcome to KINGDOM OF BOREDOM! :)

Whee!

2006-05-18T17:00:00.000+08:00

I'll be going off to RUSH-ER soon. Hmm. hope everything will be fun there.
Wanna take loads of pix and show everyone at home.
Hope we get proper water there..and hope i get well before we leave for the trip.
Finished presentation today.
Hope I will score for blocks. Tired.
Math test = fail.
Physics test = potential fail.
:(

Monkey!

2006-05-07T20:13:00.000+08:00

Snowfights are carried out in three distinct ways:
1. Act like a banana freak
2. Build huge snowballs and hurl it at your opponent aimlessly
3. Attempt to find the right angle and land it on your opponent

I guess I'm just not a monkey. I can't do it... ;)

Thinking very very carefully...

Public Speaking

2006-04-22T19:48:00.000+08:00

Public speaking..
Went for a talk that lasted from 8am to 5pm today and met some really nice people. Wonder why people everywhere ELSE is nicer. :(

I think my Russian trip may be cancelled cuz no1 seems to wanna go. I wonder if it's cuz of their lack of cultural appreciation..here's some interesting facts..

1. Joseph Stalin was born on December 21 , 1879. His birth name was Josef Vissarionovich Dzhugashvili
2. From OM website..Problem 3 Classics - Ancient Egypt
--> this brings back great memories of sec2 OM competition..where we attempted for the first time..on the AI. how I wish I could turn back time and try harder..I know now how much I wanted to win the competition and be sent to US :(

Opportunity cost...

2006-04-10T21:31:00.000+08:00

Opportunity cost.
Everything around us revolves around opportunity cost.
How often do we decide to do something that has no sacrifices made? Go ahead..rack your brains. There really isn't anything without a sacrifice.
The opportunity cost of typing here is 10min from my studying time. Is it really WORTH it? Not exactly..but why am I still doing it? Coz' ppl really don't always make the best of choices.
The opportunity cost of mugging for tmr's test is of course, that i had missed the last lecture. I really don't know if that was the right thing to do. What if I just can't do tmr's test regardless of the effort i make? Who ever said that effort is directly proportional to returns? Nah. Maybe the loss is a bad test result as well as the lack of comprehension of the last chpt of today's lecture. But..I guess we live with many regrets - too bad.
The opportunity cost of going abroad is the two courses i have signed up for. why did they push the trip forward? If only they kept it at the old times..that would've been most heavenly for me. Sighh..

Oppportunity cost.
Who ever makes the best decisions? I need some advice..
But what is the opportunity cost of listening to others?
-Hmmmmm-

Dilemma

2006-04-08T19:04:00.000+08:00

To go or not to go. To go or not to go. To go or not to go.
Decisions..decisions. Is it worth the time..the money..
I'm hoping i can do well enough to take a h3 subject next year. Wonder which I should further my studies in..Guess it'll take a Looongg time before i will know..Hopefully i get something gd outta my years here. Hopefully everything turns out well.
So much for hoping. How much is there that will be true?

Yet another day..

2006-04-06T09:21:00.000+08:00

It's not easy being so slack.
It's a waste of precious time today. Only have 3 lessons in the morning, of which...one is crap. How very interesting. Waiting for my print-job to complete..
Apparently I am bored. I am leaving the library to enter a deserted classrm..exploit the aircon and lights..do physics and probably..continue being bored and sleepy. Afterall, it's THURSDAY. I need some entertainment. Tell me a joke. :( Haha. :(

Contradictions. :( I am happy. :(

Completed a lame show last night. I sorta expected the ending. What do you do when you wake up only to know that reality is such a contrast to your dreams?

What is worse..to wake from a nightmare only to find that you didn't sleep?

sighh

2005-04-22T22:09:00.000+08:00

sighh. getting depressed. so many tests. don't feel like studying. oral coming. stressed. like..whatever. getting angry with people around me. getting upset with people around me. i don't believe them anymore. i don't believe in people. i don't believe anyone. there isn't any good people around. i bet there isn't. and even if they seem good, they are not. it is a front. who is there to trust? bahhhhhhhh! SUX!

after camp!

2005-03-12T23:56:00.000+08:00

ah! finally camp is over. ok, it wasn't as bad as I thought. it was quite fun actually. i'm a little bored now, cuz no1 to talk and laugh with at night like during camp. we practically don't slp and run around the chalet til we get scolded. and we talk rubbish. anyhow say things and den laugh about the stupidest things on earth. nvm..it's over.

now i'm worrying about the stupid books i've to read and get tested about. sighhhh...and what's more. lotsa work. 3 portfolios to rush. plus a lot more. i'm in deeeeep shit...sighh. ok. sad life right? holx what holx when all we do is more wk and more wk? boo!

gtg read the dumb book. a bit boring. dunno when i can find time to do template. bahh!

Can't wait

2005-03-02T17:18:00.000+08:00

Wow physics test was so easy. too easy for me. i couldn't do it. wthell. like i remember learning everything but forgot how to do everything, cuz i tot it was so simple it won't ever appear in another test. i feel so CLEVER la...idiotic.

Ok, holx coming. after this stupid week, i'll be heading off for a stupid camp. last test on fri - hist. gotta wk hard cuz i tink my tchr's DAMN PISSED. she's stressed, this yr our sch didn't do too well for hist. she wants it to be like her prev batch - 100% distinctions. I think we should try 100% a1s this yr. Bah..i guess it juz added oil to the fire when we din do well for our test oso. Sigh.

Ok, every1's getting pissed. I'm gettin stressed. I think the thing is right you know - it says, it's bad for me this yr in terms of social stuff, eg, frenz. I think ppl are getting pissed with my sarcasm and stuff, but look: THEY ARE NOT IMPT ENOUGH FOR ME TO CHANGE. I don't like them so they can go off to hell and shaddap. Bah. Whateva. I juz hope I don't insult/irritate the wrong ppl. Those that I don't like, byebye. Go to hell. I never liked them but hvn't said it. so..whateva. heck. boo.

This holx..i'm gonna make template. i'm helping another 2 ppl make oso..so if you wan me to help you make..(hehe, you know who you are, bearbear fren? mq jiejie..haha) i can..provided you think i knw how to make. gonna experiment w a new prog..and make a really ugly one soon! haha..for this blog, tho, it will be kept the same more or less, i think. e most change to another bear bear de..haha :)

YES!

2005-02-16T01:31:00.000+08:00

yea i pass chem! 34/50! Hooray! I think I'm going mad..2 careless mistakes..so should have 2 more marks. feels stupid. or else can get highest in class le. :( Why am i SO CARELESS! I feel shitty.

Rushing History Grpwk again. But no1 helps. GROUP is not = ME. BAH! =(

Gonna sleep soon cuz I slept really late the night before..and I have to go to THIRD LANG! Which SUX. BLEAHHHHHHHH....=P I wanna go out and play. Fri test. Next Mon - THREE test. BAH! Kick me!

For Starters..

2005-02-06T13:26:00.000+08:00

Hi peeps! It's ME! Hehe..I'm here cuz I'm bored. I'm here cuz I've decided tis the best way to update you guys on what's going on in life - without flooding ur emails! =) So here I am..up to no good!

Hope you guys like this layout. Ain't very good but..surely suits me right? Remember my url ok? Put it as ur favorites or sth..and...when you come, leave me a tag at my chatterbox k? Thanks!! =)